While I was catching up on posts by my blogging friends tonight, I read a few posts from one blog that kinda pulled me up short.
She was talking about a friend's passing. The first post was an account of visiting with him in the hospital, his wife staying with him, taking care of his needs for comfort and love. The second post was the notice that he had passed away 4 days later. It told of his love for his late wife and for his new widow, and the next generation of strong sons and their families. The last post described the service and the reactions of his family, and the sons' care and consideration for their father's wife.
For some reason this account brought me up short, realizing that in my 61+ years, I've only attended two funerals that I can remember. The first was back in the early to mid '60s, the funeral of my great-grandfather Jerry. I remember feeling uncomfortable, not totally understanding what was going on, or what (if anything) I was supposed to do. I had not had a lot of contact with him, visiting his home with Mom maybe 3 or 4 times.
The only other one I can remember attending was the funeral of my third husband, who died suddenly in 2005. Of course, being the spouse, I was all caught up in the preparations, along with his first wife. (As strange as it might seem, we had become best friends long before then, and we planned the funeral together.)
But my reaction to tonight's post by my friend was sorrow that I wasn't around for the funerals of my maternal grandparents, a few years apart. GrandMother and GrandDad were as close to me as if they were my parents. They had moved from the Midwest to California back in 1959. When I went to college, I applied to the one closest to them and lived with them while I was in school. When they passed several years later, I wasn't able to afford to come back to California for their funerals. Shoot--as I typed that, I realized that I don't even remember if there were services. There may not have been. . I feel sad that I can't even remember exactly when they died. All I know is that it was after 2001. I'll need to contact my youngest aunt, the "keeper of information," to get those dates.
Though I heard from my first husband when his mother died, I wasn't able to go and pay my respects in person. I was so sorry for that, because I liked and respected her a LOT.
I didn't even hear of my Dad's death until after the fact, so was not able to travel back to my hometown for his funeral either.
I don't remember exactly what I originally thought or felt about the farewells that I have missed, but I know now that I missed important opportunities to say good-bye to important people in my life, and it doesn't feel right.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Missing the kids
Oh, how I wish I'd had one of the winning tickets for the big Megamillions drawing a couple of weeks ago! If I had won, I would have been at my granddaughter Eva's 6th birthday party last Thursday! It's a problem when family members live on opposite coasts. Finally, I'm really starting to understand how my Mom, living in the Midwest, feels about being out of the loop.
On the good side, my best guy friend (Eva's granddad, who also lives where the rest of the family migrated) promises that if HE ever wins, he'll make sure I can move out there. How many ex's would do that??
Then again, there's all sorts of other considerations: rain, tsunamis, rain, quakes, rain, nearby volcanoes....
On the good side, my best guy friend (Eva's granddad, who also lives where the rest of the family migrated) promises that if HE ever wins, he'll make sure I can move out there. How many ex's would do that??
Then again, there's all sorts of other considerations: rain, tsunamis, rain, quakes, rain, nearby volcanoes....
Friday, April 13, 2012
Two months in with the CPAP...
...and wearing the CPAP mask isn't as bad as I thought it would be. It's pretty easy to sleep with, as long as I don't toss & turn, and I hardly ever do that. And I feel more refreshed in the mornings. Something must be working right!
My only problem is that sometimes I fall asleep in the living room watching one of my favorite shows (and most of them seem to be right before the late news, and I'm a minor news junkie, so I HAVE to stay up to find out the latest.) So, the problem is that when I wake up from the midnight nap, it's too late to spend enough time with the mask. One suggestion has been to move the CPAP machine to the living room. That way I'd be guaranteed to get in my hours every night! I've been told that if I don't show enough hours in the stats that are being recorded on a mini card, the insurance won't pay for it the equipment. So, I've only got one more month to show the company that I'm serious about using it.
One bad thing about the mask is that Trudy doesn't like it. I think it scares her. I don't blame her! If I suddenly came up to someone and they had a strange thing attacking their face, with straps and a big hole where their nose used to be [hiding the nose, of course], I'd be scared too! She used to sleep in the bedroom with me, but now she settles down on her bed in the living room. I wonder if she'd move to my room if I moved to the living room. Oh well, that's not going to happen.
Other than that, the big news has been the warm weather here in the Old Dominion. This week has been cooler than most of them in February and March! But things have been very dry all winter and we're told that there will be more possibilities for fires as the summer comes in, if we don't start getting some significant rain soon.
Oh! And I finally have a cook photo of Trudy for Wordless Wednesday, but I don't want to wait until next week 'cause I'll forget. (I've had this photo since January and just thought of using it for WW, so I think I've made my case!)
My only problem is that sometimes I fall asleep in the living room watching one of my favorite shows (and most of them seem to be right before the late news, and I'm a minor news junkie, so I HAVE to stay up to find out the latest.) So, the problem is that when I wake up from the midnight nap, it's too late to spend enough time with the mask. One suggestion has been to move the CPAP machine to the living room. That way I'd be guaranteed to get in my hours every night! I've been told that if I don't show enough hours in the stats that are being recorded on a mini card, the insurance won't pay for it the equipment. So, I've only got one more month to show the company that I'm serious about using it.
One bad thing about the mask is that Trudy doesn't like it. I think it scares her. I don't blame her! If I suddenly came up to someone and they had a strange thing attacking their face, with straps and a big hole where their nose used to be [hiding the nose, of course], I'd be scared too! She used to sleep in the bedroom with me, but now she settles down on her bed in the living room. I wonder if she'd move to my room if I moved to the living room. Oh well, that's not going to happen.
Other than that, the big news has been the warm weather here in the Old Dominion. This week has been cooler than most of them in February and March! But things have been very dry all winter and we're told that there will be more possibilities for fires as the summer comes in, if we don't start getting some significant rain soon.
Oh! And I finally have a cook photo of Trudy for Wordless Wednesday, but I don't want to wait until next week 'cause I'll forget. (I've had this photo since January and just thought of using it for WW, so I think I've made my case!)
Saturday, January 14, 2012
LONG POST: A feeling of being "tied down"
Now, don't get the wrong idea. I really mean "tethered." And contrary to what some followers of this blog might think, I'm not talking about Trudy. Nope, I'm referring to yours truly.
In the winter of 2010 (if I remember correctly) I underwent a sleep study, and was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea. Soon after the first visit to the sleep lab, I went back for a test run with a mask. THAT night was a disaster.
I have osteoarthritis in one knee, and it picked THAT night to really, REALLY hurt. I don't remember now if it had been giving me significant trouble earlier that day, but I didn't have any pain medication with me that night. Add to that the fact that the breathing mask I was trying out...well, just say that it didn't fit the contours of my face. I'd start breathing ok, and all of sudden there was a "raspberry" sound leaking from the edge of the mask. There was a good crop of 'berries from that mask. Also, as I remember, the bed wasn't very comfortable.
I had been wired up and put to bed that night by 10 PM. By 2:30 I'd had enough. Between the pain and the raspberries, there was no way I was going to get any sleep in that bed. Since there was a microphone in the room, I just spoke up and told the technician watching over me that I had to stop, too much pain, etc., and I needed to go home. I got out and never looked back. Sleep apnea, so what? It was said to be a mild case, and it wasn't affecting me. Or, so I thought at the time.
I still don't know for sure, but it turns out it may have been having an effect after all...that, and having had a (very mild) stroke in the summer of '06 and surgery in the summers of '09 and '10. Starting when I went back to work after the stroke, I've had problems retaining some information unless I make copious notes about a task. For some tasks, I'm still referring to those notes 5 1/2 years later. I also find myself asking my supervisors questions about procedures I used to be fairly confident about...sometimes every time I come across a similar situation. I hate it, but I just can't remember sometimes.
During my annual evaluation last fall, my director strongly suggested that I follow through with the sleep apnea diagnosis, to see if treating for that could help my cognition. I agreed, but it still took me from October to January to make the appointment with my neurologist. I finally saw him last Tuesday, and was able schedule my "follow-up" sleep session for last Thursday.
Again, I was fitted with a mask, but it was a different type, with only a nose-shaped "bubble" that rested around my nose. Of course, there seemed to be at least 6 straps to hold the apparatus in the correct position on my head! But I WAS able to sleep, at least for a few hours, which was an improvement over my previous attempt. The next morning I was able to bring that mask home with me, and I will contact the director of the sleep lab on Tuesday to get the official results and, I presume, to order the machine that sends the pressurized air through the hose to the mask.
I don't know if using this sleep mask system will help me at work, clarify my mind, help me feel more confident, or extend my life. But I've finally decided it's worth a try. Trudy & the Rest of the Family are counting on me.
Cheri
In the winter of 2010 (if I remember correctly) I underwent a sleep study, and was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea. Soon after the first visit to the sleep lab, I went back for a test run with a mask. THAT night was a disaster.
I have osteoarthritis in one knee, and it picked THAT night to really, REALLY hurt. I don't remember now if it had been giving me significant trouble earlier that day, but I didn't have any pain medication with me that night. Add to that the fact that the breathing mask I was trying out...well, just say that it didn't fit the contours of my face. I'd start breathing ok, and all of sudden there was a "raspberry" sound leaking from the edge of the mask. There was a good crop of 'berries from that mask. Also, as I remember, the bed wasn't very comfortable.
I had been wired up and put to bed that night by 10 PM. By 2:30 I'd had enough. Between the pain and the raspberries, there was no way I was going to get any sleep in that bed. Since there was a microphone in the room, I just spoke up and told the technician watching over me that I had to stop, too much pain, etc., and I needed to go home. I got out and never looked back. Sleep apnea, so what? It was said to be a mild case, and it wasn't affecting me. Or, so I thought at the time.
I still don't know for sure, but it turns out it may have been having an effect after all...that, and having had a (very mild) stroke in the summer of '06 and surgery in the summers of '09 and '10. Starting when I went back to work after the stroke, I've had problems retaining some information unless I make copious notes about a task. For some tasks, I'm still referring to those notes 5 1/2 years later. I also find myself asking my supervisors questions about procedures I used to be fairly confident about...sometimes every time I come across a similar situation. I hate it, but I just can't remember sometimes.
During my annual evaluation last fall, my director strongly suggested that I follow through with the sleep apnea diagnosis, to see if treating for that could help my cognition. I agreed, but it still took me from October to January to make the appointment with my neurologist. I finally saw him last Tuesday, and was able schedule my "follow-up" sleep session for last Thursday.
Again, I was fitted with a mask, but it was a different type, with only a nose-shaped "bubble" that rested around my nose. Of course, there seemed to be at least 6 straps to hold the apparatus in the correct position on my head! But I WAS able to sleep, at least for a few hours, which was an improvement over my previous attempt. The next morning I was able to bring that mask home with me, and I will contact the director of the sleep lab on Tuesday to get the official results and, I presume, to order the machine that sends the pressurized air through the hose to the mask.
I don't know if using this sleep mask system will help me at work, clarify my mind, help me feel more confident, or extend my life. But I've finally decided it's worth a try. Trudy & the Rest of the Family are counting on me.
Cheri
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